April 27, 2016, An Update

The first thing I want to say is THANK YOU to everyone who has been so supportive to us during this time. It's really helped us to know that so many of you loved Ophelia too, and so many people were so touched by her story that never even met her.
The second thing I want to say is I'm sorry it's taken me this long to post an update.
I first tried writing an update exactly a week from the day we lost Ophelia.
I couldn't finish it.
I tried writing an update again exactly two weeks from the day we lost Ophelia.
I still couldn't finish it.

The following is what I started writing on April 8th, one week after we lost Ophelia...

I just wanted to make an update for everyone on how we are doing without our Ophelia in our lives anymore. The outpouring of love and support from everyone who knew Ophelia and us, to people who just knew us, to people who've never even met us or Ophelia but are touched by her story, has been phenomenal and heartwarming. The amount of people who've contacted me and said that they have a similar story with their dog, and that they know exactly how we feel, is heartbreaking, I really wish Hemangiosarcoma didn't exist, and I wish cancer in general didn't exist.

But, in short, it's been very, very hard living through every day things without Ophelia.

Ophelia had a therapy dog personality, she was very loving, she was very protective. She was almost always by our side, or at least near us. If Derek or I was taking a nap, she was right there. Laying next to us, laying next to or on our legs.

It took me most of the week to be able to sleep without her. The first night without her I basically collapsed into unconsciousness that night because I was so exhausted, since I hadn't slept for like a day and a half or so. But waking up without her was just heartbreaking. I could move my legs around freely, she wasn't laying there next to me, and it killed me inside. I know Derek felt the same. I didn't, and still don't, feel safe at night to go to sleep without feeling her weight on the bed. Knowing that she's not there to watch over us, and watch the house, and alert us to any noises or anything, bothers me. But, this is something that Abby did learn from Ophelia, so she does this herself. In fact it seems like she's doing it more now, so that helps.

Speaking of Abby, our poor little Abigail is obviously heartbroken, she just hides inside her cave bed, or hides underneath our bed, for hours at a time. She's been sleeping in bed with us more often, sometimes right where Ophelia used to lay, although if she's cold she will get underneath the covers and cuddle up against Derek's back. It's very sweet.

Abby didn't eat much for a few days (neither did we, though). Although, in Abby's case, she is one of those types of dogs who goes through a day where she doesn't eat, and she's rather picky about food. We think she hoards her treats from coming back inside after going out to potty under the bed, and then eats them when she's hungry, which means she isn't hungry at dinner time. But, Abby tends to eat her actual dinner later, like in the middle of the night or early morning, if we leave her food out, and she barely touched her food or treats for days. I was actually starting to worry and was thinking about taking her to the vet to make sure she was okay, since I'm going to be extra paranoid about her health now. But she started eating. She even started playing with us, if we initiate it. So that's good. She's a strong little dog with a fierce spirit, we know it will take her some time, but she will be okay.

So that's all I could get out before being overwhelmed with grief and having to stop typing.
I tried multiple other times to edit this, make other update posts, etc.
But I just wasn't able too.
It's now April 27th, and it's been 3 weeks, and 5 days since we lost Ophelia.
I can't really describe the emptiness that I feel. I feel like my life has been ruined.
Ophelia was always, always here, right by my side, and if not by my side, by Derek's side, since she liked to sit with him for a long time after he got home from work.

As much as I love Abby, she's a very different dog than Ophelia, and always has been. In fact this was never a "problem" before, until we lost Ophelia. Abby has always liked to hide under our bed, or hide under the covers of our bed. Knowing she likes to hide is why I saved up some money and bought her a special "cave" type bed, just for her, so she can hide, and be comfy, warm, and feel safe. So while Abby is asleep in her bed or under our bed, the house feels incredibly empty, and I would be lying if I said I didn't wish Abby was more like Ophelia in some ways. Mostly just in the way that Ophelia followed us from room to room to see what we were doing, and to constantly be by our side.

Ophelia had such a large presence, such a lovely personality, and loved to be right there with us no matter what we were doing, whether it was watching TV, folding laundry or working on the computer.
So it feels very empty here without her.

Distractions help. Getting involved in a TV show, lately we've been watching Leverage, has helped me, and Derek I think, quite a lot, especially when Abby decides to come cuddle with us, which she's been doing more often now. Playing games on the phone or computer, doing some reading, etc, it all helps. If I'm not distracted by something I'm just crushed with grief and heartache, but I don't think that is how Ophelia would want me to feel, so I'm trying to stay distracted now.

Abby is slowly getting to be her self again, she's recently started running around with a toy in her mouth and shaking it violently like she used too. Although Ophelia used to run up and play tug-of-war with her when she would do that, so sometimes Abby just stops and looks around, drops the toy, and then goes and hides under our bed for a while. But overall she seems to be doing better, she's eating more, she's running around more, she wants to play more often. She does seem to want to be near us more, as well, even sitting with us on the couch and watching TV with us, like Ophelia used to do, so it's nice to have Abby doing that now. She's also a lot less aggro toward every other dog she sees when I'm out walking her, and she tries to make friends with dogs that she hasn't been friendly with before. I know this is a sign she is lonely and needs a playmate, but I just don't feel like I can handle another dog right now. My heart is just not strong enough yet, I'm still very broken, and I feel like my capacity for love is greatly reduced. Before, if we were to add a third dog, it would have been a fun and happy thing for me, but now, not so much. I've been making a point to play with Abby when she seems like she's in a playful mood, playing fetch and having her run all over the house seems to make her tired and happy.

Overall I guess we're doing as well as can be expected. It feels like we just lost Ophelia 3 days ago to me, not three weeks ago.

I'm really struggling to adjust to life without her.

All the hopes and dreams I had, any plans for the future I had, everything, involved Ophelia.
For example, if Derek and I ever got married I had every intention of having Ophelia and Abby be right there with us, in every picture. Abby probably wouldn't enjoy that, but Ophelia would have.
And now she won't be there, for anything, and it just kills me.
I wanted to take another trip up to northern California, Ophelia has been there before. I wanted to take Ophelia and Abby and find the empty beach we had found on our previous trip, and play fetch with Ophelia again on that beach. I wanted to watch her run across the sand, but this time with Abby running around too. And now it won't happen, and that knowledge makes me die a little more inside.

With all of that being said, we have a lot of great memories of our life with Ophelia. We want to use this blog to share those great memories and stories of Ophelia's life. We want everyone to know how great she was. She really was the best dog ever. I'll probably throw in some updates about how we're doing every so often, hopefully they'll be shorter and less depressing than this one.

I want to say again, thank you to everyone who has been so supportive to us.
Thank you to everyone who met Ophelia, and loved her too.
Thank you to everyone who reads this blog and is touched by her story, and discovers that you can love a dog that you never even met. She really was the best, and I hope we can show that in the posts we're going to make to share our memories of her.

The Cancer That Took Ophelia Away From Us - Hemangiosarcoma

Visceral Hemangiosarcoma

I had never even hard of this.
I did not know a tumor could form INSIDE my dog's heart.
I did not know that there was a deadly cancer that can show no symptoms until it's actively killing my dog, and it would be too late to treat it when symptoms did surface.
I did not know there was a cancer in dogs that not only does all of the above, it's resistant to treatment anyway.
I did not know dogs could get a cancer of the blood vessels, and there was no cure for it.
There's so many things I didn't know.
I really am hard on myself for not knowing these things, even though I'm not a vet or vet tech. I know a lot about canine health, and I feel like I should have known something was wrong with my baby.
I should have at least known that this kind of cancer exists.
But I didn't know any of the above.

In Ophelia's memory, Derek and I want to raise awareness about this incurable, horrible, deadly disease, in the hopes that no one else's dog has to suffer with having such an aggressive cancer take their life away suddenly. We want no other families to have to watch their beloved dog go from healthy, to suffering, to gone, in a matter of just a few days.

Here are some links to learn more about Hermangiosarcoma.

http://caninecancerawareness.org/canine-cancer-diagnosis/hemangiosarcoma

https://www.vetary.com/dog/condition/heart-tumors

http://www.wearethecure.org/the-road-from-despair-to-hope

The National Cancer Canine Foundation

If you would like to make a donation to canine cancer research, you can do so in Ophelia's name here. 

When I got Ophelia as a young puppy in April of 2007, I remember thinking "She's not a purebred, she's got at least 2 or 3 different breeds in her. Hopefully since she's a mix she won't ever get cancer, since that tends to happen to purebreds."
I was so very wrong, and I wish I had never had that thought.

April 1, 2016, Losing Our Ophelia

Taken on Wednesday evening, she was tired, but doing well.

Thursday, March 31st, 2016, was pretty uneventful. Ophelia was sleepy and tired, understandably. Derek got up, we took them out to go potty, he carried Ophelia down the stairs.
He went to work, I went to bed, Ophelia went to bed with me. I think she even jumped up on the bed before I could stop her. She appeared to be feeling pretty good. I wrapped her up in a blanket and she stayed right there in bed, sleeping, resting, rolling around a little to get comfortable, occasionally barking at the construction workers making noise outside.  Derek came home from work early, Ophelia hung out with him on the couch for the afternoon wrapped up in her blanket. She always had to be near one of us. I carried on with my usual computer stuff, but getting up more often than I normally would to check on her and love on her.

In the evening, we took them outside, she still seemed fine, but for some reason when we got back inside, she was breathing harder than normal. I steamed up some more chicken and rice for her dinner, and she would only eat the chicken, not the rice. I thought maybe she was just tired of the rice by that point, maybe I'd given her too much rice and she didn't like it. She laid around on the couch again for a while. I tried feeding her more chicken a few hours later, she took a couple of pieces from me, but then she didn't want anymore. She went back and got on the couch. This concerned me a little, but I thought, maybe she's just full.

When Derek went to bed, Ophelia went with him, but she didn't jump on the bed this time, she waited for me to pick her up and put her up there. We noticed her belly looked kinda poochy, particularly on her left side, and it was firm. She kept breathing hard, short and fast breaths. It wasn't like she was having trouble breathing, it just seemed her breaths were harder and shorter, faster than normal, but it wasn't alarming. I noticed I was hearing a "click" noise in each breath toward the end of the inhale. I thought, maybe she picked up a doggie cold at the vet's office. This hasn't happened before, but I supposed it could, so I decided to keep checking on her frequently throughout the night.

Every hour, every time I went to check on her, she had not moved, not at all, and she was always awake. She couldn't sleep. Ophelia doesn't lay around awake, she loves to sleep, she was always a napper her entire life, so her laying there awake like that worried me. I started checking on her more often, probably every 20 minutes or less. Her breathing started to sound a bit worse as the night went on, but there was no reason for it because she hadn't moved one inch. At this point I knew she had fluid in her lungs, I wasn't sure why, but I knew it was bad.

Taken at BAVS, before we had to leave her there for a couple of hours, for more ultrasounds and echo cardiograms.

 
At 5:45 AM on April 1st, 2016 I decided Ophelia needed to go emergency care again. Her breathing had gotten worse and I knew waiting any longer would just cause her more discomfort. I woke up Derek and told him we needed to go. Now.  I decided to call this other emergency veterinarian place in San Leandro called BAVS, which is open 24/7. The vet that treated Ophelia at our usual place said to take her there for an ultrasound if she got worse. I think that vet might have known if she didn't start to improve with the antibiotics that it was because she had cancer, but she didn't want to tell us that and freak us out unnecessarily.

The ride to BAVS was agonizingly long for me. The place was hard to find, but when we found it the man that greeted us was so kind. Since we were still thinking infection or inflammation, and I didn't know WHY Ophelia had fluid in her lungs, we were relatively calm. They took Ophelia to the back almost right away so the vet on hand could look at her.

When the vet came out she said that she had used the ultrasound machine to take a look at Ophelia's chest. The area around her heart was full of fluid/blood. She said it was very highly likely that Ophelia had cancer in or around her heart. I was immediately completely crushed. I immediately felt like life was ruined. I cried harder than I've cried in years. They brought her to the room we were in so we could say goodbye before leaving her there for a couple of  hours. They wanted the cardiologist to do more ultrasounds when he got in. She was so excited to see us, but then quickly calmed down. She was so tired. She sat in Derek's lap and we just loved on her for as long as we could, until they came to get to take her to the back again. We went home.

Loving on her at BAVS

The entire ride back home, I'd had an impending sense of doom since the vet had told us she most likely had cancer, but I was still holding on to a shred of hope that maybe it wasn't cancer. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe Ophelia had pneumonia, and would have to stay there for treatment for a couple of days, then she could come home to us and we'd have her back.

When we arrived home, right as we pulled into the driveway, the cardiologist at BAVS called us.
He gave me the worst news possible, I started crying, I was hysterical.
He told me it was, in fact, cancer.
A very bad cancer.
Hemangiosarcoma.
He told me she had a large tumor in her heart.
No cure.
Resistant to treatment.
She did not have long left in this world.

I was beside myself with grief. I felt like I had already lost her. I gave Derek the phone and the poor man had to explain it all again. You could hear the heartbreak in his voice. Ophelia was such a great dog, everyone fell in love with her. I imagine the entire time he was examining her he was just petting her and feeling terrible. We kept asking over and over, is there ANYTHING we can do. Surgery and chemo might give us 2-6 months with her, but she would suffer. There was no cure, treatment might not even work. She might not even survive surgery. The cardiologist recommended we just go pick her up, and take her home, and spend as much time as we could with her.

I called my mom, she was so understanding and supportive. Everyone loved Ophelia, but my mom especially loved her grand-dog. Ophelia used to stay with my mother while I went to work and would nap with my mom.

We decided to go pick her up. When we got there, she was considerably less energetic than when we dropped her off. They had her just hanging out with them, no leash or anything. While it warmed my heart they had her just hanging around and were spending time with her, it was also really sad for me to see her just slowly walking toward us. She was usually so energetic and rambunctious, she had been her whole life, all the way up until Wednesday morning. She came up to us and greeted us, then just laid down on the floor in front of us. She was more tired than before. It was like every movement sapped more and more of her strength.

The cardiologist came into the room. He showed us images of the tumor. It looked like it was taking up an entire chamber of her heart. Looking at it made my chest hurt, and I cried more. He explained that she would have had no symptoms of the cancer. That Ophelia wouldn't have even felt it or known it was there. He explained that on Wednesday morning, the tumor had bled into her heart and the area around it, and that sent her into shock. Her body had stabilized somehow, adjusted to the blood and fluid, that's why she seemed better after being treated at our usual vet's office. He said she did not need the antibiotics she was prescribed, there was no infection.

I think we asked the same questions over and over again about treatment options. I could hear the pain in Derek's voice as he kept asking what we should do, "what would you do if she was your dog?" I think Derek asked him. He said, "If she was my dog, I would take her home and love on her for the rest of the time she has left, and then help her along" and when he said that it made me think that he thought she was going to die later that day. But, he gave us a timeline of "a few days" with no treatment, which would turn out to be generous. He said she "might" have 2-6 months left with us if we did opt for surgery and chemo, but she would still succumb to the cancer, and she'd have the additional stress of recovery from a surgery. A surgery she might not even survive, and then chemo, which would have been horrible for her. The cost of all of that would have been from $10,000 to $20,000, which we would have GLADLY paid. We would have paid even more than that. We would have paid as much money as it took if it would have cured her, but all it would have done was buy us time with her and caused her suffering. That seemed selfish to us. Ophelia was such a sweet dog, I never wanted her to suffer. Not for one moment.

The cardiologist explained it was a matter of time before the tumor bled again, or ruptured. We asked him if there was anything that could be done to help her breathing, and what we should do if she went into shock again. He said we could have the fluid and blood drained away from the area around her heart, but that could actually destabilize her. He said the pressure of the fluid may be preventing the tumor from bleeding more at that moment, and that draining it away could cause hemorrhage.

We decided we would take her home. They gave us a list of veterinarians that make home visits to ease a pets passing.

On the way out of BAVS there was two other dogs that she saw, and she didn't even care, she was always very animated when she saw other dogs. She didn't want to pee when I walked her to the fake grass area they had there. I started feeling more and more like I had already lost my baby. I had her sit in my lap on the way home, just so I could hold her close to me. She used to like riding in my lap in the car. She ended up kind of collapsing in my arms and not being able to sit up again. I tried to just make her comfortable. I noticed that her belly was a little bigger than before, and her breathing was a little more labored.

Beautiful Ophelia

After we got her home and I got her comfortable. I felt like I needed to take as many pictures of her as I could.

We got home with her at about 11:30 AM. She went to the kitchen to drink water, but ended up getting water all over the floor somehow. It wasn't vomit, I don't know if she got a mouthful of water and then just spat it out, or what. I remembered that she had done that before we took her in to her vet on Wednesday, too. She went to couch, she waited up but couldn't do it, so we helped her up on to it.

I tried to make sure she knew how much we loved her. I gave her constant kisses. I pet her non-stop, until it seemed like petting her made her more uncomfortable, then I just stayed right next to her, petting her every few minutes.

We just sat with her and tried to keep her comfortable. But it seemed impossible, she kept flailing her legs like she was trying to move and adjust her position, but she didn't have the strength to move more than an inch or so. She would raise her head up and try to sit up, and then lay back down. I tried to feed her again, some steamed chicken, she really loved that. But she didn't want it. She didn't want to eat, and we knew that was a very bad sign. I brought the water bowl to her, she drank so much water. She would drink every time I brought the bowl to her then cough. She ran out of strength to sit up, so we supported her. She ran out of strength to hold her her head up to drink, so we held it. She kept coughing when she drank, like she was inhaling some water. Her breathing got worse and worse so fast. In a matter of hours she was too weak to sit up to drink. I started dipping my hand in the water bowl and letting her lick the water off my fingers, she seemed to like that, as she could just last on her side and still get moisture. I put water drops on her gums under her lip so her mouth wouldn't be too dry, she seemed to like that as well.

As stoic as she was, this picture really shows just how bad she must have felt.

We tried to keep her wrapped in a blanket because if we didn't she would get cold, but in her efforts to move she just kept kicking the blanket off. We were constantly having to adjust her position, trying to help her get comfortable, then wrapping her in the blankets again. I repeatedly tried to get her to eat but she never would. She wouldn't even try. I would put the food on her lips, try to get her to taste it, and she would turn away. Ophelia loved food her whole life, so this was a very bad sign.

By that afternoon it became apparent that her condition was deteriorating rapidly, her belly seemed to get larger little by little, filling up with fluid. We did at one point get her outside to try to see if her belly was so big because she needed to pee, but when we got her outside it wasn't clear that she even knew where she was. She just laid down on the sidewalk, so we got her back inside and wrapped up in a blanket again on the couch.

She was comfortable enough to sleep for a few minutes every so often. She was so exhausted.

It was hard to move her, she was obviously uncomfortable and any pressure on her belly or chest resulted in groans from her that suggested putting pressure there did not feel good. I couldn't help but think to myself, we should put her down now. I hated this thought, I cried and cried. I tried to hide my tears from Ophelia because my crying seemed to make her more anxious, but it was almost impossible, I just couldn't control it. But I knew, we had to let her go.

I realized that if we waited and tried to pull her through the night, the tumor was going to rupture, and that was going to be absolutely horrible for her and us. She would suffer badly. I knew if we tried to pull her through the night, she would get so bad that we would be desperate to get her to the emergency vet's to have her put down. Since moving her already seemed to increase her suffering, that was out of the question.

We used pillows and blankets to try to keep her comfortable, but nothing helped.

I thought about this really hard, and I knew it was time to let her go. Talking about this with Derek killed both of us. We were both just devastated, we could not BELIEVE this was happening to our dear Ophelia. Derek called every veterinarian on the list we had received from BAVS. We needed a veterinarian to come to our home, to let her sleep forever. We were not going to try to get her in the car and drive her anywhere, she was already very uncomfortable and obviously anxious.

I tried holding her to keep her comfortable, it seemed to help for a good long while.

Sometimes it seemed like she wasn't sure where she was. Sometimes it seemed like she wasn't recognizing us right away when she looked at us. When I think back on these last moments with her, I honestly wonder if she didn't have a tumor in her brain, as well, or if she was just not receiving enough oxygen, since by this point she was really struggling hard to breathe.

The next few hours were a blur of Derek making phone calls, coming back to Ophelia's side, then making more phone calls. We tried to get Abby to snuggle with her sister, but Abby was upset and kept hiding under our bed. Ophelia was so uncomfortable every so often she'd try to propel herself forward, she turned herself in circles this way many times. At one point she slid herself off the couch and into the floor. We got a doggie bed into the living room for her, which she saw and managed to stand up and, with our support, step into it, and then collapse. We laid on the floor next to her bed.

We wanted to hug her and hold her so much, but it was hard, we couldn't touch her belly without her groaning in discomfort, so we had to hug her and avoid her belly.

She continued to turn and turn, an inch or so at a time. Her breathing was getting worse fast. Abby started hanging around Ophelia more, sitting by the dog bed on the floor. Ophelia stayed in the bed for a few hours and then suddenly got up and sat in front of the couch. So we lifted her up. She felt heavier. During all this time she continued to drink water and not pee, her belly just getting slightly bigger over time. We didn't try taking her out again, but I had thought maybe she would need to go so bad she would just pee in the dog bed, but she never did.

 Abby standing over Ophelia.

 Nose touches from little sister.

 
Derek finally found a veterinarian named Dr. Amy who was very compassionate and understanding. At about 5 PM he called her back, and asked when the latest time she could come was. She said she would be able to be here at 8 PM. Things were kind of a blur of trying to keep Ophelia comfortable and helping her adjust her positioning. Ophelia ended up drinking a little more than a bowl and a half of water, not a small bowl either.

Our good friends Dave and Jenny came over at about 7 PM to say good bye to Ophelia. When they sat on the floor next to the couch to pet her, I saw Ophelia flop her tail in happiness. She was so happy to see them and couldn't express it. They stayed with her until the veterinarian came to the door.

 Ophelia was so happy to see our friends.

I was really glad Ophelia got to see them one last time.

When the veterinarian got here I just kept thinking "This isn't real. This isn't actually happening. Oh god, this is real and it's actually happening." and I just couldn't believe it. I could not believe that this happened to my baby girl. 

Dr. Amy spent a lot of time explaining everything to us and doing the paperwork. She agreed that Ophelia was suffering, that staying alive just to continue the struggle of breathing was way too hard for her.

We had to say goodbye.

March 30, 2016, Ophelia Was Suddenly Very Sick

 Our beautiful happy girl on August 15th, 2015

Since it was the loss of Ophelia, and the reason we lost her, that prompted me to make this blog, I guess my first posts here should be about her last days with us. This first post is about the day she got sick. Our lives will never be the same.

Ophelia was almost exactly 9 years old, I adopted her in April of 2007 when she was a very small puppy, she got bigger than I had anticipated, so she might have been as young as 6 weeks or even less when I adopted her at the shelter. Ophelia was a border collie and Labrador retriever mix, according to the pound I adopted her from in Amarillo, TX., although I always questioned that, I think she may have been part cattle dog or something, as well. I always wanted to do the DNA test to see what all breeds she has, but it was expensive, and I never did. I really wish that I had.

She had always been pretty healthy all of her life, she did have some digestion issues here and there throughout the years, but nothing serious. The past year she'd had some skin issues, she got a staph infection twice on her belly for some reason. But, she hadn't gotten very sick and needed to be hospitalized, before.

On March 30, 2016, I had been up all night, as usual. I was in a bad habit of staying up all night playing video games, I'd wait until the sun was coming up and take Ophelia and Abby for a walk, then go to bed. Ophelia was usually tired from the morning walk, and would sleep in bed with me for the morning and better part of the afternoon, sometimes waking up to bark at noises outside, or get up to tackle the door if anyone had come up.

The sky started to barely get light outside at around 6 AM. I usually waited until the sun was fully up before walking them, but Ophelia had been oddly restless all night, up and down a lot. At around 3-4 AM I had eaten something and tried to give Ophelia a treat when she didn't want to lick the container. She wouldn't take it. I tried to give her some peanut butter. She wouldn't touch it. That was weird because she loved her treats and peanut butter. So instead of waiting until after 7 AM when the sun would fully be up, I decided to take them for a walk at about 6:20 AM, thinking maybe she'd been up all night because she needed to go potty.

I called to them to go out, getting my jacket on, and Abigail (Abby, for short) came running, but Ophelia didn't. I called again. Nothing. I got worried and went into the bedroom to find her. I looked at the bed first because she almost always slept in bed with us and my boyfriend Derek was sleeping still. She wasn't there. I had a bad feeling and I then looked at the dog beds and she was on the one at the foot of the bed, just laying there, with her head up. I coaxed her to get up to go outside, she was VERY slow and she felt VERY cold. My bad feeling got worse and when I got her to the front door I noticed her pupils were very large and looked cloudier than usual. Her tail and ears were down, which was extremely out of character for her, as she loved to go outside. She had an expression that said "I don't feel good and I'm scared Mom" and I just knew that something was very wrong. I got down and checked her gums, to my horror they were pale. I started to panic when I felt out cold she was all over. Her lips and snout were cold, and I know how bad of a sign this is, and Ophelia was always a very warm dog, she hated the heat because she was already warm naturally.
I knew something was very badly wrong with my Ophelia.

I tried to kid myself and thought, maybe she just needs to walk around a bit, so I got her leashed up, I tried to coax her to go outside, thinking she was sick and needed to go potty. She very slowly walked the short distance to the stairs and wouldn't go down them. I called Abby back up the stairs, I got Ophelia and Abby inside, I got Ophelia situated on the couch. I turned on the lights so I could get a better look at her and she looked terrible. She looked so weak and her gums were white. I would learn later that she was in shock.

I didn't realize she was actually in shock at the time, but I knew her current state was BAD. I started to really lose it and called up the vet. I was so scared that my baby was dying right in front of me. I was crying on the phone telling them what was wrong, they said she needed to come in right away, which I knew, I just didn't know when. The vet would be there at 8 AM to treat her as an emergency, they told me. Derek woke up, hearing me on the phone, asking what was wrong. I was crying more and telling him that Ophelia was sick and I didn't know what was wrong and that we needed to take her in at 8. He said okay, and started getting dressed. I asked him to sit with her while I took Abby out to go potty. Abby really hated doing anything without Ophelia and getting her to go outside without Ophelia was not easy. She picked a nearby grassy spot to pee and then forcibly pulled the leash back to the house. She got up on the couch to check on Ophelia as soon as we got in. I gave Abby a treat and put her in her crate. Derek carried Ophelia down the stairs to the truck. I am SO thankful he is strong enough to do that because I am not. I sat in the backseat with her the whole way to the vet's, trying not to cry and failing miserably.

We got to the vet's at around 7:44 AM and had to wait. It felt like we had to wait for hours. Ophelia was just so weak and so sick. We ended up getting out of the car and trying to go in a little early, they came and unlocked the door to let us in. They got us in an exam room. We had to wait more. I had brought Ophelia's blanket with us and had her wrapped in it. It REALLY bothered me that she was laying on the cold floor on her side. The vet came, looked her over, took her for x-rays on her chest and abdomen, brought her back. Got the x-rays, showed them to us. Nothing out of the ordinary. They took her back for blood work. They kept her in the back saying she's very dehydrated and needed fluids, and we'd have to leave her there. I was immediately devastated. I was scared I was going to lose my baby and not even get to say goodbye. I asked to see her, but they said she can't walk back to the front again, and that they were doing x-rays on another dog so we couldn't go back there. I was beside myself. We left. I cried the entire car ride home. I kinda wanted to just stay there and wait, but I hadn't eaten, or slept, the last thing I'd had was coffee at 4 AM, and we needed to take care of Abby. She needed a proper walk. When we got home Abby didn't even really greet us, she ran around frantically, crying, looking for Ophelia. It broke our hearts.

I was distraught all morning. They had said they would call when they got the blood test results, I was finally freaking out too bad and called them at 10:30 AM to see how she was doing, and to see if they had gotten her blood test results. The vet tech put me on hold, came back, told me the vet hadn't gotten to read the results yet, but they do have them. She said Ophelia was up! I was so happy, she said Ophelia was alert and standing up! I thanked her. I was relieved. That was when I realized how exhausted I was, so I decided to take a nap. The vet ended up calling us back, and telling us that her blood work showed Ophelia's white blood cell count was high, and her pancreas and liver values were high. She said that maybe there's an infection or inflammation in Ophelia's pancreas, liver, or in her lower intestine. So she prescribed antibiotics and some anti-nausea medicine so that Ophelia could eat. We would be able to pick her up after 4 PM. Relieved, I was able to sleep for the remaining time until we went to go pick her up.

 In the car on the way home!

I really wish this picture hadn't turned out blurry, but she is still adorable and you can see her little smile.

It was amazing to have them bring a happy, healthy looking Ophelia back to us. She was excited, she wagged her tail furiously, she hopped around a little, she was very vocal, letting out her loud, high-pitched cries of excitement that made us so happy. We got her prescriptions, paid the bill, and took our baby home. I rode in the back with her again, she was tired, I could tell. They said to give her bland food like chicken and rice since they weren't sure what caused the inflammation and/or infection, and to limit exercise, no walks. Unfortunately we live in a condo upstairs with no yard so she would have to walk a little, but we weren't going to take her for the mile-long walks I usually took her and Abby on in the evenings.

When she came home Abby was extremely excited to see her and they started to play a little. But I told Ophelia she needed to rest, no playing! And got her situated on the couch. She seemed exhausted, but happy. She laid on the couch, got lots of attention and love. We were SO happy she was home.

 Resting after being at the vet's all day receiving fluids.

She got up to come give me a face that said "I am starving more than I have ever starved in my life" when I was in the kitchen cooking her food, so I gave her some steamed chicken breast and steamed rice, which she gobbled. She looked for more, she was SO hungry. I ended up feeding her again later after a trip outside and she devoured her food again. I was so happy she was eating, I really thought she was going to be okay. Later in the night I was in the kitchen and she still had the same look of "I'm starving please feed me" so I went ahead and fed her again.  Looking back on this, I'm glad I fed her when she was hungry every time she was hungry, since she didn't want to eat much come Thursday evening.

While Ophelia seemed weak and tired that night, she seemed MUCH, much better compared to that morning. I was so happy. I really thought life was going to continue on normally. I had no idea we were going to lose her just two days later.

Snuggled on the couch in her blanket, she was so tired.